Musings

Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget.  Sometimes I forget to hold on to what I know.

Sometimes I release Truth and Joy and replace Doubt and Borrowed Trouble in their void. As I deny Peace, Anxiety uses the hidden key to become my unwelcome guest.  You see, he learned where I hid it long ago and welcomes himself whenever the opportunity arrives.  Only now, years in the making, am I realizing how he comes only after I have asked (not so kindly I might add) Peace to leave.  Though loyal, Anxiety was never much of a gentleman.

And sometimes I forget to require Chaos to leave so that Intentionality can return.  Chaos is often the friend I never want to admit; the one that can be exciting, full, adventurous.  She is the one with whom I lose my head in the coming wonders of moving and traveling and bettering and socializing and reading.  And yet, for all this exploration there is no fruition for without Intentionality, Chaos has no means to an end.  I run around as Linus, grey and amuck.  I forget to be here and now and instead live in thens and ifs and one days, head askew with self.

But most of all, sometimes I forget Love. Judgement clouds my view, hastens my step and hardens tenderness. Bitterness and Harshness are his cohorts, beckoning constantly.  Judgement is no friend at all yet one I rarely deny because, if I am honest, I fear the selflessness which is asked of me by Love. And so Judgement and I… we stay close, justified as the less painful because bending low and loving deep is hard. It requires. So quickly do I forget the lasting impact of Grace when I reject Love.

And then there are moments, fleeting as they may be, where I remember to hold onto what I know.  Moments when an outpouring of goodness beyond myself comes to the surface.  Sincerity kisses the present and I learn to be something beyond self.  I learn something bigger, more lasting.  And though I often forget to honor them, I never forget their power.

I fight for these moments; the moments when the forgetting fades and I learn to soak in Intent.

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